Ninja tend to feast on your fear, neglect, lack of speed and your decision not to turn around. Their hatred is primarily derived from the existence of pirates and the unholy sight of women smiling. Any woman who gathers means of entertainment not inflicted upon her by a ninja's underrated topical humor and witty antics is punishable by ninja sword, drop-kick to the Manolo Blahnik's, five across the eyes, or the fearsome ninja dutch rub. Although ninja scarcely consume food, they do have a few exceptions.

• Pirate ships: It is well known that ninja have a distinct hatred for pirates. They feast on the wood of pirate ships not only to spite their ruthless enemies, but to whet their stealthy appetite. They are in fierce competition with giant squid, which also feed on pirate ships. Oscar Wilde once described ninjas as "the termites of eternal awesomeness."
• Large cats: Although established that eating domestic house cats is quite easily one of the coolest things you can do, ninja prefer the rugged stuff. How do you think ninja get hair on their constantly secured knuckles? Simple, they take on lions, tigers, leopards, and cheetahs one-on-one. Ninja have been witnessed to orally persuade two lions to have a steel cage match within the confines of a state park. This is funny considering ninja rarely ever speak.
• Creampuffs with sharp angles and powdered swords: These make for sumptuous deserts, and conveniently they also double as weapons.
• Anything that reminds them of Eric Clapton's hair: Ninja once experimented with making their suits out of Eric Clapton's hair. Unfortunately, they could not resist the temptation of feasting on the pure taste of heroin, blood, sweat, and guitar.
• Napalm: It makes their indestructible semen just that much more indestructible. They often use their napalm-filled semen to rape pirates and cause them grevious amounts of anal pain, which is how pirates came upon the "ARRRR" curse.
• Babies: For breakfast, lunch, dinner, and sometimes brunch, ninjas will consume babies of all varieties. They're usually dined on with ketchup and sometimes peanut butter.
• The very matter of the universe: Ninjas could survive for entire millenia without eating anything physical, simply because they might be busy destroying a killer, 18-foot viking, or a two-headed dragon from the pits of Hell. In these times, they just absorb sustenance from the air around them, the ground they stand on, or whatever's handy.
• Other Ninjas: Ninjas, when at the point where the universe's consciousness is no more, will resort to cannibalism. Common sense suggests that this will be the ninja's ultimate downfall, as they hold very little hatred for each other. This fact is also true for many types of amphibian and most of your local resturants.

It's a-m-a-z-i-n-g.