Well, it's better than it was before, but the drawing is still much better. Shading improved but the lines are still jagged and half as good as the original.

There's an additional grey on the thief that is nearly invisible. I suggest you change it's color or drop it.

The lines for starters are much better on the drawing. Stick to it! I personally like the original colors better too. Even though you put effort to some shading/dithering the piece still looks flat. Though flatness is not really bad in al circumstances. The striped shading of the original looks more interesting, I'd try to implement it in pixel too. You used the paper pattern as a background but you could go farther. Add some of that text and the heart!

With some work you could make this piece way better. The original has potential, it would deserve a bit more effort.

so tell me what should i do to make it better. {erm... 'everything' isn't enough}

To be honest I like the original much more.