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yes clean it up. and if you can't then ask your cosinfor help. although his style is more "loose" than others' he is still pretty great!
Its legit, guys... I told him to try and reproduce that image's shading by hand as a practice. He showed me a few steps in-between as he worked on it.
(hes my cousin! HELLO)
Second work? Well done! I find portraits difficult, but you seem to be getting it. I agree it needs a bit of refinement, but this is definitely a good start.
WIPs are usually posted as a .gif image with each frame being a saved copy of the piece somewhere in the process of making it (so the image will go from just lines to a completed image in a series of unfinished images, kinda like a time-lapse). Definitely not required, but recommended.