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Add more contrast and change the nose its pretty weird. I also suggest not using lighter outlines than the color you are using ( i.e. the ones you used for some parts of the clothing )
Thanks for all your advice! I'm glad you think the large version is workable, I didn't want that time spent to be in vain. The edit is a lot of help: I knew there were some awkward things with the anatomy but couldn't place it, really.
Thank you! 
The larger version is waaaay better, in terms of composition and atmosphere. I think what bugs it is the shoulder line. Also a very little addition to the bg would give it some depth.
There are a few other anatomy issues: the mouth is a bit weird, the forward eye is too high and too big.
Then you have far too many colors, some extremely close.
Careful with some banding, and some anti-anti-aa on the shoulder line. The hair could use better texturing.
Oh, and it needs a wee bit more contrast. =D
I don't really like the shape but if you like it, its ok :)