They say The Funk is a living creature. It's about the size of a medicine ball, and covered in teats. It came from another planet landing over Bootsy Collins' house. Back then, Bootsy was just a simple farmer, but he took one look at those mauve titties and he lost his mind. He began to milk the Funk, and made himself a Funkshake, for which he praised the Lord. After consuming said Funkshake, he began to feel fizzy inside and found he could see 'round corners. He passed out, but when he came to, baby, he was slappin' that bass guitar fast and loose like some kind of delirious Funky priest. A few months later, he was world famous with his band Parliament, and everyone wanted a piece of the Funk: Rick Wakeman, even The BeeGees. One day, Parliament were on the Mothership fooling around with the Funk, when George Clinton kicked the Funk clean overboard. That was July 2nd, 1979. The day the Funk died. The Funk has never been heard from since but recently an account has surfaced in which a sea-man named Old Gregg claims that he found the Funk in an oyster shell. These are his words:

...Two weeks later, I found the Funk in bed with a Conger Eel. At first I thought it was a sea anenome, but under closer inspection, I realized that it was a funky ball of tits from outer space. I offered to take him back to Parliament but he said he was done with that shit, and that they never listened to him anyway, and were only interested in his funky produce. So I let him live down here with me in this cave.

   Whether this Old Gregg has the Funk still remains to be seen. Some say the Funk will reappear when it so pleases, in the hands of a worthy musician. Many musicians have tried to find and capture the Funk, but all have failed. Some say it is because the Funk did not judge these musicians as worthy carriers of his glory.

While many think they know the Funk, Larry Graham has kept the Funk on lock down in Graham Central Station.