HOLY CRAP MASSIVE UPDATE.
Now it looks better.
Thanks for all the suggestions and help, everybody. It still probably isn't going to win, what with all the absolutely amazing artists and entries I'm competing against. But I still am glad that I got so much support, and I had much fun making this piece.
I might work on it some more in the future, as there is still room for improvement, but I really need to move on to other works (plus I'm REALLY busy this week). If there are any jaggies or tiny things that you can spot, please let me know and I will correct that for sure, but other than that, I think I'm done.