Quotes Archive

A man's dreams are an index to his greatness.

The best way to destroy your enemy is to make him your friend.

Pain is inevitable. Misery is a choice.

My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.

Me fail English? That's unpossible.

If all else fails, read the instructions.

There's no motivation like desperation!

Begin each day as if it were on purpose.

Enjoy the silence

Frank Abagnale Jr.: [as Frank Conners] Your honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, this is irrefutable evidence that the defendant is, in fact, lying.

Judge: Mr. Conners, this is a preliminary hearing. There is no... defendant. There is no... jury. It's just me. Son... what in the HELL is wrong with you?

Carl Hanratty: Well, would you like to hear me tell a joke?

Earl Amdursky: Yeah. Yeah, we'd love to hear a joke from you.

Carl Hanratty: Knock knock.

Earl Amdursky: Who's there?

Carl Hanratty: Go fuck yourselves.

Del: You play with your balls a lot.

Neal: I do NOT play with my balls.

Del: Larry Bird doesn't do as much ball-handling in one night as you do in an hour!

Neal: Are you trying to start a fight?

Del: No. I'm simply stating a fact. That's all. You fidget with your nuts a lot.

Neal: You know what'd make me happy?

Del: Another couple of balls, and an extra set of fingers?

Neal: He says we're going the wrong way...

Del: Oh, he's drunk. How would he know where we're going?

Del: Was that seat hot or what? I feel like a Whopper. Turn me over, I'm done and ready. I'm afraid to look at my ass. There'll be grill marks.

Bilbo: I'm old, Gandalf. I know I don't look it but I'm beginning to feel it in my heart. I feel thin... sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread. I need a holiday. A very long holiday. And I don't expect I shall return. In fact I mean not to.

The Bride: [on Pai Mei] Why did he accept me?

Bill: Because he's a very, very, very old man. And like all rotten bastards, when they get old, they become lonely. Not that that has any effect on their disposition. But they do learn the value of company.

Bill: An essential characteristic of the superhero mythology is, there's the superhero, and there's the alter ego. Batman is actually Bruce Wayne, Spider-Man is actually Peter Parker. When he wakes up in the morning, he's Peter Parker. He has to put on a costume to become Spider-Man. And it is in that characteristic that Superman stands alone. Superman did not become Superman, Superman was born Superman. When Superman wakes up in the morning, he's Superman. His alter ego is Clark Kent. His outfit with the big red "S", that's the blanket he was wrapped in as a baby when the Kents found him. Those are his clothes. What Kent wears, the glasses, the business suit, that's the costume. That's the costume Superman wears to blend in with us. Clark Kent is how Superman views us. And what are the characteristics of Clark Kent? He's weak, he's unsure of himself... he's a coward. Clark Kent is Superman's critique on the whole human race. Sort of like Beatrix Kiddo and Mrs. Tommy Plympton.

Lieutenant Traxler: I can hear it now. He's going to be called the god-damned phonebook killer.

The Terminator: I'm a friend of Sarah Connor. I was told she was here. Could I see her please?

Desk Sergeant: No, you can't see her. She's making a statement.

The Terminator: Where is she?

Desk Sergeant: It may take a while. Want to wait? There's a bench over there.

The Terminator: I'll be back.

Garry: My god, what was happening to him?

MacReady: If it had more time to finish it would have looked and sounded and acted just like Bennings!

Childs: I just cannot believe any of this voodoo bullshit.

Palmer: Childs, it happens all the time, man. They're falling out of the sky like flies. Government knows all about it, right, Mac?

Childs: You believe any of this voodoo bullshit, Blair?

Palmer: Childs, Childs... Chariots of the Gods, man. They practically own South America. I mean, they taught the Incas everything they know.

Garry: You reach anybody, yet?

Windows: Reach anybody? We're a thousand miles from nowhere, man. And it's gonna get a hell of a lot worse before it gets any better!

Childs: You're gonna have to sleep sometime, MacReady.

MacReady: I'm a real light sleeper, Childs.

Ripley: These people are here to protect you. They're soldiers.

Newt: It won't make any difference.

"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."

Always protect your McNuggets.

"Necessary? Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine? No... But I do it anyway because it's sterile and I like the taste."

Why So Serious?

Why do you necessarily have to be wrong just because a few million people think you are?

Kip Ramsey: White boys get all the Oscars. It's a fact.

Agent: We know that, but--

Kip Ramsey: Did I get a nomination? No. 'Cause I ain't played none
of them slave roles. That's when you get nominated. Black dude plays a slave role, gets nominated. White boy plays an idiot, gets the Oscar. Find me a script as a retarded slave,
then I get the Oscar.

Agent: I'm gonna schmooze. I'll be right back.

Kip Ramsey: Go find that script. Buck, the Wonder Slave.

Oh I'm sorry but I think you are confusing me with someone who gives a crap.

Robert K. Bowfinger: We're finished! It's over between us!

Daisy: But why?

Robert K. Bowfinger: You slept with Jiff.

Daisy: So?

Robert K. Bowfinger: You know, I never thought about it that way.

Daisy: So I'll see you tonight?

Robert K. Bowfinger: What time?

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.

And then there's the Homeland Security system, they had it colour-coded, like we're in fucking elementery school! Simplify it, there should be just three levels of security; Jesus Christ, Goddammit, FUCK ME!

You don't want another Enron? Here's your law: If a company, can't explain, in ONE SENTENCE....what it does....it's illegal.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

Idiot! Read my lips — mercy is for wimps! There's a reason "oppose" rhymes with "dispose"... If they get in your way, kill them! March!

Do you hear that, Mr. Anderson? That is the sound of inevitability.

And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire...

ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US.

What did you ever do to change the world?

Life isn't all laughter, beer, women and skittles.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression.

My name is Dalton Russel. Pay close attention to what I say because I choose my words carefully and I never repeat myself.

I've told you my name, Thats the who. The where could most readily be described as a prison cell. But there is a vast difference from being stuck in a tiny cell, and being in prison.

The what is easy. Recently I planed and set in motion events to execute the perfect bank robbery. Thats also the when.

As for the why, beyond the obvious financial motivation is exceedingly simple. Because I can.

Which leaves us only with the how, and there in as the bard would tell us... Lies the rub.

Munities! What the hell are Munities!?

You get busy Livin'... Or you get busy Diein'. Thats god damn right.

It may be what you need, but it is not what you require

Proper AA creates the illusion of subpixel smoothness, it doesn't pile on layers and layers of hugged buffer shades.

Dark and difficult times lie ahead... Soon we must all face the choice between what is right...and what is easy.

I am the world's first fully-functioning homicidal artist. I make art until somebody dies!