Walter, I love you, but sooner or later, you're going to have to realize the fact that you're a goddamn moron.

Fortunately, I'm adhering to a pretty strict, uh, drug, uh, regimen to keep my mind, you know, uh, limber.

Walter Sobchak: Those rich fucks! This whole fucking thing... I did not watch my buddies die face down in the muck so that this fucking strumpet...

The Dude: I don't see any connection to Vietnam, Walter.

Walter Sobchak: Well, there isn't a literal connection, Dude.

The Dude: Walter, face it, there isn't any connection.

Hey, careful, man, there's a beverage here!

The Dude: What's in the fuckin' carrier?

Walter Sobchak: Huh? Oh, that's Cynthia's dog. I think it's a Pomeranian. I can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. I'm watching him while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii.

The Dude: You brought the fuckin' Pomeranian bowling?

Walter Sobchak: What do you mean brought it bowling, Dude? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not taking your fucking turn, Dude.

The Dude: Man, if my fuckin' ex-wife asked me to take care of her fuckin' dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu I'd tell her to go fuck herself.

Jesus Quintana: You ready to be fucked man? I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we're gonna fuck you up.

The Dude: Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion, man.

Jesus Quintana: Let me tell you something, bandejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes "click".

The Dude: Jesus.

Jesus Quintana: You said it man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.

Walter Sobchak: Eight year-olds, Dude.

The Dude: Fuckin' Quintana... that creep can roll, man.

Walter Sobchak: Yeah, but he's a pervert, Dude.

The Dude: Yeah.

Walter Sobchak: No, he's a sex offender. With a record. He served 6 months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight year old.

The Dude: Oh.

Walter Sobchak: When he moved to Hollywood he had to go door to door to tell everyone he was a pederast.

Donny: What's a... pederast, Walter?

Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.

The Dude: Will you come off it, Walter? You're not even fucking Jewish, man.

Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talkin' about?

The Dude: Man, you're fucking Polish Catholic...

Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talking about? I converted when I married Cynthia! Come on, Dude!

The Dude: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...

Walter Sobchak: And you know this!

The Dude: Yeah, and five fucking years ago you were divorced.

Walter Sobchak: So what are you saying? When you get divorced you turn in your library card? You get a new license? You stop being Jewish?

The Dude: It's all a part of your sick Cynthia thing, man. Taking care of her fucking dog. Going to her fucking synagogue. You're living in the fucking past.

Walter Sobchak: Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax...
[Shouting] You're goddamn right I'm living in the fucking past!

The Big Lebowski: Are you employed sir?

The Dude: Employed?

The Big Lebowski: You don't go out looking for a job dressed like that? On a weekday?

The Dude: Is this a... what day is this?

The Big Lebowski: Well, I do work sir, so if you don't mind.

The Dude: I do mind, the Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this aggression will not stand man.

The Dude: Mr. Treehorn treats objects like women, man.

Malibu Police Chief: Mr. Treehorn draws a lot of water in this town. You don't draw shit, Lebowski. Now we got a nice, quiet little beach community here, and I aim to keep it nice and quiet. So let me make something plain. I don't like you sucking around, bothering our citizens, Lebowski. I don't like your jerk-off name. I don't like your jerk-off face. I don't like your jerk-off behavior, and I don't like you, jerk-off. Do I make myself clear?

The Dude: [after a pause] I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.

Bunny Lebowski: I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars.

Brandt: Ah hahahahaha! Wonderful woman. We're all, we're all very fond of her. Very free-spirited.

Bunny Lebowski: Brandt can't watch, though, or he has to pay a hundred.

Brandt: Ah haha. That's marvelous.

The Dude: Uh, I'm just gonna go find a cash machine.

Let me explain something to you. Um, I am not Mr. Lebowski. You're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. You know, that or uh, His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing.

The Dude: It's like what Lenin said... you look for the person who will benefit, and, uh, uh...

Donny: I am the walrus.

The Dude: You know what I'm trying to say...

Walter Sobchak: That fucking bitch...

Donny: I am the walrus.

Walter Sobchak: shut the fuck up, Donny! V.I. Lenin. Vladimir Illanich Uleninov!

The Big Lebowski: What in god's name are you blathering about?

The Dude: What I'm blathering about - new shit has come to light, man. She owes money all over town, including to known pornographers, and that's cool... that's cool, and of course they're going to say that they didn't get the money, because... she wants more, man! She's got to feed the monkey.