Stand behind the yellow line! You will now receive your Christmas presents donated by the Port Authority lost and found office.

Martin Prince: Bart, if she breaks up on you, steer away from the grandstands or else you might kill hundreds of innocent spectators. Bart, what did I just tell you?

Bart: Kill spectators.

You know what happens! They find the Captain Kook treasure, all the elves dance around like little green idiots, I puke, the end!

Bastard, bastard, bastard, bastard, bastard, bastard, bastard bastard!

Country music sucks. All it does is take precious air space away from shock DJ's, whose cruelty and profanity amuse us all.

Moe: Moe's tavern, Moe speaking. Who do you want?

Bart: Seymour. Last name Butts.

Moe: Is there a Seymour Butts here? Hey everyone! I wanna Seymour Butts!!!!... wait a minute... listen to me, you little scum-sucking pus-bucket. When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna gut you like a fish and take out your eyeballs with a corkscrew...

Moe: [answers the phone] Moe's Tavern, where the elite meet to drink.

Bart: Uh, hello. Is Mike there? Last name, Rotch.

Moe: Hold on, I'll check... Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch! Hey, has anybody seen Mike Rotch lately? [laughter] Listen, you little puke. One of these days, I'm going to catch you, and I'm going to carve my name on your back with an ice pick.

Bart: Being in show business is like a dream. We're really lucky aren't we?

Teamster: I wish I was dead.

Woman: Gavin, don't you already have this game?

Gavin: No, Mom, you idiot! I have Bloodstorm, and Bone Squad, and Bloodstorm II, stupid.

Woman: Oh, I'm sorry, honey. We'll take a Bonestorm.

Gavin: Get two. I'm not sharing with Kaitlin!

Bart: [dreamy] That must be the happiest kid in the world.

Ohh, I just missed out on the greatest opportunity of my entire life! George Burns was right: show business is a hideous bitch goddess.

Soul? Come on, Milhouse, there is no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the bogeyman, or Michael Jackson.

Hymns, here! I got hymns, here. Get 'em while they're holy. Fresh from God's brain to your mouth. Heh heh heh.

He says there aren't any easy answers. I say, he's not looking hard enough!

Bart: Watch out, Radioactive Man!

Director: Congratulations, Bart Simpson: you're our new Fallout Boy!

Bart: [gasps]

Director: That's what I'd be saying to you if you weren't an inch too short. Next!

Ralph: I ated the purple berries. Ow...ohhh.

Bart: How are they Ralph? Good?

Ralph: They taste like burning.

Bart: How are we supposed to kill the rest of the afternoon.

Bum: You musn't kill time boys, you must cherish it. Seize the day! ... Can I have some change to go get loaded?

Bart and Milhouse: [gasp] Mickey Rooney!

Rooney: Hi, Milhouse. The studio sent me to talk to you, being a former child star myself, and the number one box office draw from 1939 to 1940.

Bart: Wow, spanning two decades.

Milhouse Van Houten: Hey Bart check out my new earring - pretty cool huh?

Bart Simpson: Milhouse my mom wears earrings. Do you think she's cool?

Milhouse Van Houten: No, I think she's hot!

Lisa Simpson: Cheer up, Bart. Milhouse is still going to need a true friend, someone to tell him he's great. Someone to rub lotion on him. Someone he can hurl whiskey bottles at when he's feeling low.

Bart Simpson: You're right, Lis! I can suck up to him, like the religious people suck up to God.

Bart Simpson: You always told me I was going to destroy the family. But I never believed it.

Lisa Simpson: That's okay, Bart. Nobody really believed it. We were just trying to scare you.

Bart Simpson: You want me to be on the show?

Krusty the Klown: It's just one line. Mel's supposed to say it, but he's dead.

Bart Simpson: Dead?!

Krusty the Klown: Or sick. I don't know, I forget.

Dr. Hibbert: I'm sorry, that leg's going to have to come off.

Bart Simpson: ~Gasp~

Dr. Hibbert: Huh huh huh huh. Did I say leg? I meant that wet bathing suit.

Krusty wore big, floppy shoes, but he has little feet like all good-hearted people.